Easter Hounds

On Easter Sunday, 1979 I met a mysterious, pent-up cage-dwelling creature in my own living room. I was six years old. Every egg-in-basket holiday since that one, the image of the Easter hound comes to me with all the fury that she and her stud did at eleven a.m on Easter morning.

Her name was Lucy and she was one of a pair of hunting dogs our neighbors kept in a free-standing kennel in the side yard between the two properties. On warm spring days, the smell of dog shit and stale piss would waft up from their 10X10 keep to the second-story dining room window of our house-which we kept closed always for that smell.

Looking down from our deck at the twin hounds hunkered on the sun-bleached concrete slab always gave me a sinking feeling. I sometimes tried to imagine what living in a kennel of my own shit and stink would be like. For the way the Vale’s cared for those dogs, I hated them and their one daughter, Lindsay, who never seemed to mind that those dogs were living in filth in plain sight (and smell) of the neighborhood children.

I imagined that they were kept in that cage because they were purebred hunters. Being held against their will as rare and dangerous animals who had no desire to play frisbee and run free the way our scrappy mutt dog did. What would they do if they ever got away?

On weekends when the sun came up over the Rainier Valley through the trees our un forested property would flood with the light of the unblocked sunshine–the deck sliding doors were opened and the entire living room was warm and sunny.

Especially on this particular Easter morning.

So it happened that my mom was on one of her religious experimental bouts this year and had heard of a non-denominational church where non-members could worship the big Easter bunny God and his resurrected Christ.

I had awakened to a sunny living room and bright orange and green basket full of treats and had just popped a speckled jelly egg into my mouth when I heard my mother’s voice.

“We are going to church this morning!” it rang out in her weekend morning cigarettes-and coffee-with-cream voice. “Go and put your new dress on.”

Surviving memories of my childhood are the stuff of miracles to me now. In the drumbeat of time and tested ways of forgetting the past in two-year intervals, the remaining bits and vivids to fill in the cache of the brain are holding true.

I savored a single jelly bean and put down my bright shiny basket. In a quick inventory, I gauged there were about thirty nestled in the soft green plastic grass and at least another six bright foil-y chocolate eggs, crested by the big sugar-eyed milk-chocolate bunny keeping watch in the middle of my stash.

The church was uneventful and my shoes were tight. The weirdo songs and cross-eyed children made my stomach upset. My mom was a strange unmarried mom. The divorcee who was trying to be as unassuming as the Christian mob around us.

That was an hour of my young life that I would never get back and I will admit to whispering a prayer to the savior on his cross that my mom let me go in with her rather than down the stairs to the kiddy pit for Sunday school.

I was a young pagan. A feral child of sun and sky, cedar branches, and tree-climbing. I was bicycle wheels and scabby knees. I was a leaf-born native as wild as the climbing ivy deceiving the clipper claws.

I felt as trapped as the hunting dogs in the cage while I clung as a hunk of shit beside my mother, the concrete divorcee. I remember staring at the hands-on my mom’s little gold watch just to keep from listening to the sermon on the mount and the cinnamon-stick colored benches we all perched on rattled when the organ played or the PA system hissed with the Jon the pastor’s microphone breath stops.

When the endless drivel of sermon and song finally stopped and the pastel people all stood up for the juice and cracker communion, we made our exit. No one tried to keep us from slipping away unsaved.

The little portable church could not have been more than two miles from our new house and when mom and I sped off in our burgundy Camero with a cigarette in her teeth and a lollypop in mine I knew we still had most of our Pagan holiday to ourselves and my basket of candy was getting closer too.

[The rest of this story is not so bright and sunny. It is dark and disturbing. Read on if you have the stomach for it, otherwise, pretend it ends here.]

The front door of our house was just as we had left it. Dark and heavy and shut tight. Mom pulled out her key and waved me up to the steps to hold her purse while she opened the door. The key turned fast and the door opened into a flood of mid-morning sunshine and the smell of dog.

Dog drool, dog shit, dog wrestling dog. The growls from the top of the stairs echoed as my mom rushed into the house and up the stairs startling two angry hounds.

As my mom began to shriek they rushed past us out the open door so quickly I nearly lost my balance and fell back down. The last one out the door had a tuft of plastic grass sticking from its asshole and blood dripping on the floor.

My mom’s voice was screaming and she tried to cover my eyes before I reached the top step.

The room at the top of the stairs was completely mined with shit, drool and vomit. Each runny wet pile of shit was laced with easter grass and bright slivers of pink wicker shavings. Some of the shavings were tinged with blood.

Lucy and her stud hound had wrestled with my basket and devoured it; pink wicker, grass, candy and all. The lingering smell of marshmallow, milk-chocolate, dog food kibble, and bloody stool could send Christ back to his tomb.

Every plastic egg was laying on the carpet. Yellow and blue plastic halves soaked in drool and even a few with teeth marks were found on the back porch as if one beast had come through the left-open glass door and scouted for the other for a veritable candy feast, bringing a few bright playthings along as booty.

In a little less than 90 minutes, the two busted into our house, found the basket there on the couch, and shook, clawed, wrestled, swallowed, spouted, choked, and shit out the contents of my morning basket as if it were a nest of pheasants.

I do not remember shedding a single tear for my basket that day, but my mom cried in her anger for hours. The neighbors recaptured their hounds and my mom made the hunter pay to steam clean the floors and clean up the Easter massacre.

In thirty-five years, I still can’t separate the smell of sick dogs from Easter basket treasures. Milk chocolate eggs from smears of feces, plastic grass from cracked shells, hemorrhoids, and splinters of wicker stained orange and green.

The Vale’s dogs survived another year in that cage without ever breaking free again before the sale of their house. The same year Dave the hunter divorced his wife and moved away with his dogs. Lindsay and her mom moved back to Alaska.

When the house sold the new owners used the kennel to store their recyclables and compost bin and on warm sunny days the scent of turning worms and dirt and beauty bark wafted through our upstairs window and mingled with the sunlight and the dust rising from the cane bookshelves along the dining room wall.

There is my Easter memoir.

Breaking Bees

“Everyone leaves something behind in this desert,” the Shaman smiled. Full water bottle in my hand, bandana on my head, and a worn-out pair of Birkenstock sandals on my feet, I was out for a day of hiking with a strange group of new-age-y people I barely knew. I’d left my infant daughter with my husband and young son for a lazy by-the-river day in our campsite for the smallish hiking expedition to the Shasta lava tubes known as Pluto Cave.

Thirty minutes in the high desert air–I could feel my temples warming in the waving bulb of the electric mid-morning sun. There was not really a trailhead where we’d parked by the road but a small metal sign with an arrow reading “Pluto Cave 1 mi.” goaded us to a clearing on the first bank of sagebrush where a clipboard and a pen were tied to a makeshift table. We each scrawled our names onto the blank page. My name below Bob and Aluna Joy, Nina (Resnick) and Atilla Molnar, then Don and Mary Simon. I was the only single in a group of couples who all shared one and all in the Age of Aquarius, but I had decided that I was going to attend a solstice expedition to Machu Pichu, Peru in September and this adventure 3.0 miles into the belly of mother earth was supposed to simulate the majesty of the view from the top of the world? I felt like a novice for these kinds of adventures but I was in good hands with these emissaries of light so nothing could go wrong. When one of the group leaders broke away with the others to do some guided meditation in a circle of rocks, just Bob and I were left to the trail.

The steep meadow path unwound over the brush in the before-noon heat and only the sound of our footfalls and the soft breeze could be heard out there in the steppe. Then, we came round a bend of the trail where a forest of ancient sagebrush stood. Full blooms and twisted limbs animated with a frenzy of sound. The buzzing was louder than anything I had ever heard before–safeguarding the mouth of Pluto Cave was a massive cluster of wild flowering sage and it was home to millions and millions of wild desert bees.

From where I stood, the cave looked more like a hole in the side of an overpass than some mystical portal to the center of the earth? But the majesty of the sage bush forest and the army of high desert stingers made me shiver. I had been raised by bee-fearing folk from way back. My mom had long warned me of the allergens that run deep in our Washingtonian bloodline–and the accompanying horror stories were never far from mind. The 7 Up bottle-trapped bee stung her on the mouth when she sipped her ‘occupied’ beverage to the knocked-down nest of winged stingers that fell onto her as a small child after a pelting war of river rocks. Bees were to be feared as far as I was told and if I was ever going to get into that cave I had to face my fear and break (gently) through the legion of bees keeping watch.

Bob was not afraid. Reading the horror on my face, he pulled gently on my shoulder and led me to the closest branches of the bee forest camp. He reached into his pack and pulled out a joint and lit it up. One drag in, there was calm among the buzzing, or at least my heart was not racing anymore. Bob pulled out a bundle of sage leaves and burning the ends with his lighter, circled around me smudging us both native-style. The sweet smell of the burning sage mingled with the wild plants, the calming sun, and the wide sky. We walked together under the first of the orchard tree-sized sagebrush and sat on the ground by the stump.

“Let’s wait here and just be with the bees,” he said. My red hair teased my neck and shoulders in the breeze. Then the buzzing seemed to disappear? I heard nothing but the swell of the heat and the swarm of the bees turned to a conference of high desert hosts right before my eyes.

As if in slow motion, worker bees passed by our perch holding fast collected pollen clotted from the knees to the stingers, holding plant goo in their fuzzy limbs like shovels as they flew along. The intricacies of their eyes, their wings, and tiny faces were so soft and every buzzing minute was purposeful and filled with grace for the environment around us it made me want to cry.

These bees were tending the desert and its plants with their whole bodies, mindful of the trails through the air, the currents through the brush, and worked in symbiosis with the natural landscape that I was stomping carefully into. That is the day that I realized that I was born clumsy and human and with a knack for reinvention, I decided to leave behind my fear of bees.

And so I did.

The rest of this story is unimportant. Yes, we rejoined our group at the mouth of the cave, and the seven of us crept inside the 3-mile lava tube into the cold, dry earth. It was as majestic and dark and cold as the grave. It was two hours before we made our way out into the open air again. When we reached the sage bush again, the bees had gone, taking my fear with them.

For Maggie, Annette, and Joie

Revisiting posts I liked the most for a new portfolio…

msmendesmith

You three women could not have lived more different lives. Your last birthdays, 87, 70, and 61. Politics, Television, and Poetics. Powerful, Resourceful, Powerless. Having never met her Ironness, my relationship to Maggie is based on BBC World Service and that movie that came out a few years ago. Always a Minister, never a queen. Tyranny was your darling.

images (1)

Our Ms. Thatcher died on a Monday in London of a stroke at the Ritz Hotel. She had been in poor health for months and had suffered long hours losing mind to trip along the cold water of dementia. I lost my grandfather to the boatman headed for that sorrowful shore in 2003.

images (4)Annette, I was never a Mouseketeer or a Beach Crazy girl, but one aunt of mine has battled with your kind of sickness for years.

The last time I was at Disneyland you were there in a…

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Books

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   A smart, lyrical and sometimes gothic journey within the modern lexicon of flesh and bone on a stick, this work is charged with life as elements of Emily Dickenson and James Dickey dance barefoot across this wonderful wedding of words by author Mende Smith”

– S.A Griffin

history

UPDATED 2021:

Mende Smith initially published via the small press. The author of two collections of poetry “Hollywoodland” (Noble Swine) and Veritas Cabaret (Lummox Press) which are non-operational today. Smith’s writes – more than thirty altogether – have been featured in the anthology, class projects, and Lit Zines. (poem and prose form), as well as several essays, feature magazine articles, and interviews.


Poetic bits have been performed or included in public readings in Seattle, Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, the United Kingdom, and New Zealand. Way back in 2012, she hosted an online radio venue with the Hollywood Institute of Poetics where she interviewed authors and poets and brought the writers and listeners to the same platform. “Writing on Demand” was a smash hit on satellite radio and there are still random links shared on author bios across the world with these broadcasts.


In 2014, in Los Angeles, Smith founded “The Writers Round Talk Show” with a guy who really dug the idea of writing, anyway. There were a few public readings to a slim audience at one of LA’s oldest venues, Beyond Baroque Literary Arts Center to turn out for the author panel line up. Some of the writers featured were iconic poesies from old Hollywood like S.A. Griffin and Jack Grapes. Others were newer, like Brendan Constantine and others who got their start on Spoken Word stages around the city of angels.


Smith studied poetics and journalism in pursuit of a writing life, working for less than $5 an hour as an editor for a variety of freelance gigs – like one does in California. A journalism degree is damned, for a hot minute, she landed a gig as a script treatment editor for Find Art Films–and the guy vanished once he had what he barely paid for that he could use.


Her debut novel, Emerald City Stories, took some trips and turns coming into print–greatly from the UK/US market conversion and the political climate of the US in 2015. It was Steven King’s own literary lawyer who talked her into self-publishing given the stark abuse within the series.

Now, beyond 2020, the year of our plagues and economic meltdowns, she published the behemoth docs herself at CreateSpace, now Amazon and post-Trump horrorshow, the ink was barely dry on the self-pub contract and Bezos treating BIPOC employees like total shite made the Amazons not the place for a self-pub journey. Today, Smith has double-dipped into the ISBN pool to offer print and digital options on LULU.com where the writes can be found.


So, everyone reads, and everyone wins.

Everett Poetry Darling Performs Mende Smith Poem

WHISKEY AND SODA

“The every day begins
where the writing day ends.”

-H. Miller

Turn the yellow key
in the metal door
and go in

the bergamot-scented
room where the clock
chatters and the light bends
silver and pallor divide
in between the blinds and
the knot of the afternoon sun.

Drop the bag
on the floor and slip out
of those shoes

His rooms are empty
ceramic and stone
and glass and water
moths hidden in
dark and damp
safe behind doors
unopened.

Twist-off cap on the bottle
and the safety ring snap
echoes off the sink

The after-five ride
is over and the ice
is too-soon melting
in a short, clear glass.

Pour out the Bourbon slow,
just top off the ice and
the bubbles

The mouthful’d chill
rises to the occasion
of a writing life,
and she thinks it
tastes like Hemingway’s
kiss, Joyce’s mocking jay
Jack-a-daw grin,
and Miller’s libations.

Breathe.

The only color
inside seems to froth
in the afterglow
of a whole other week
gone to whiskey
and soda

©MES2014

RADIO DAYS ARCHIVE: INTERVIEW WITH STEPHEN JAY SCHWARTZ

Interview with Stephen Jay Schwartz

Join Me as I talk to Stephen Jay Schwartz. He is a film guy-turned-author. Before publishing his first novel, Los Angeles Times bestseller, Boulevard, Stephen Jay Schwartz spent a number of years as the Director of Development for film director Wolfgang Petersen (whose credits include Das Boot, In the Line of Fire, Air Force One, The Perfect Storm, Troy) where he worked with writers, producers and studio executives to develop screenplays for production. Among the film projects he helped developed are Air Force One, Outbreak, Red Corner, Bicentennial Man and Mighty Joe Young. His latest book BEAT is the object of my affection for this interview. Thanks for listening.IMG_9658

RADIO DAYS ARCHIVE: INTERVIEW WITH JEANETTE CLOUGH

Interview with Jeanette Clough

Join Me as I talk to the poet Jeanette Clough.  This is an archived interview from my show in 2010. Jeanette Clough is a native of Paterson, New Jersey. She has been a waitress, children’s dance teacher, a ship’s librarian, and currently works for the Getty Research Institute. Her most recent poetry collection is Island, from Red Hen Press. She has published widely in such journals as Colorado Review, Denver Quarterly, Pool, Atlanta Review, and online in poeticdiversity and poetrybay. Her poetry received awards in the 2005 Ruskin Competition, the Rilke Competition, the Atlanta Review, the dA Center for the Arts, and the Los Angeles Fin de Millennium competition. She has been an editor for Solo, A Journal of Poetry and a reviewer for Poetry International.IMG_9658

RADIO DAYS ARCHIVE: CHAD SWEENEY

HEAR IT LIVE: Interview with Chad Sweeney

Join me as I talk to Chad Sweeney. He is a new dad and a smart writer and in this interview we talk his daddy-dom and what he called the Woodstock of Poetry his 2010 victory lap made in California. Chad Sweeney’s third book of poems, Parable of Hide and Seek, was recently published by Alice James Books. Poems from the book appeared in American Poetry Review, Black Warrior, New American Writing and Best American Poetry 2008, and the poem “The Methodist and His Method” was read by Garrison Keillor on The Writer’s Almanac. Chad’s cotranslations of the Selected Works of Iranian poet H.E. Sayeh will appear next year from White Pine Press, and his fourth book of poems, a bilingual Spanish/English edition is forthcoming from Forklift Books, Wolf Milk: Lost Poems of Juan Sweeney. Chad teaches poetry and is a Ph.D. candidate at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, where he lives with his wife, poet Jennifer K. Sweeney and their son Liam.IMG_9658